He is a fat opera singer, and he is about to lose his lungs because of cancer.Here is his lines in Grey\’s Anatomy 6*12.I\’m big, Too bigI don\’t fit in airplane seats, and as Jeff is always telling me, my feelings don\’t always fit the situation. If my food is overcooked in a restaurant, I get enraged.I want to kill the waiter.But I don\’t.I politely ask him to take my meal back and bring it to me the way I asked for it.I spend my days making myself smaller, more acceptable.And that\’s okay, because at night when I go on stage, I get to experience the world the way I feel it–with indescribable rageand unbearable sadnessand huge passion.At night, on stage, I get to kill the waiter and dance on his grave.And if I can\’t do that…If all I have left is a life of making myself smaller…Then I don\’t want to live.I don\’t.
R u a big woman or just a small one?Once he asked me before we drowned in swirls of affections.By appearance I\’m Small, deeper inside I\’m Big, or at least I want to be less Small, and deep deep inside I\’m without question Small– I answered.And at that time, I thought the differences between Big and Small lie merely in degrees of independence and mental strength.But now, I know it\’s about the size of your EGO.That opera singer has a solid EGO, big and strong enough for him to depend on, to sacrifice and compromise for,to build up his life around.It is said that what you do makes who you are, and I think vice versa is also true.He gets to show the real self when he plays the role of himself on stage.And this reminds me of "lust, caution", where the female protagonist gets to show her EGO when pretending to be a spy.Most people complain about what they do are not what they love, and they remain mediocre.For some other lucky and talented people, they actually enjoy their job, and they are on their way to greatness and completeness.How about me?In a narrow sense, I\’m independent.. I make decisions according to my will, and against all odds, I carry them out on my own.But what is my will?How it is made?Is it strong and solid enough as to guide my way?I guess not.The real independence is not about how to keep yourself from depending on someone else,it is about how to depend on yourself, and to develop a strong solid and BIG EGO to depend on.And I have to build up a life based on this EGO, a life involving job and family.and the shape of this EGO is still unstable, let alone its size and weight.I need a BIG EGO.
2010/03/30 at 12:49
He is a fat opera singer, and he is about to lose his lungs because of cancer.Here is his lines in Grey\’s Anatomy 6*12.I\’m big, Too bigI don\’t fit in airplane seats, and as Jeff is always telling me, my feelings don\’t always fit the situation. If my food is overcooked in a restaurant, I get enraged.I want to kill the waiter.But I don\’t.I politely ask him to take my meal back and bring it to me the way I asked for it.I spend my days making myself smaller, more acceptable.And that\’s okay, because at night when I go on stage, I get to experience the world the way I feel it–with indescribable rageand unbearable sadnessand huge passion.At night, on stage, I get to kill the waiter and dance on his grave.And if I can\’t do that…If all I have left is a life of making myself smaller…Then I don\’t want to live.I don\’t.
2010/03/30 at 13:27
R u a big woman or just a small one?Once he asked me before we drowned in swirls of affections.By appearance I\’m Small, deeper inside I\’m Big, or at least I want to be less Small, and deep deep inside I\’m without question Small– I answered.And at that time, I thought the differences between Big and Small lie merely in degrees of independence and mental strength.But now, I know it\’s about the size of your EGO.That opera singer has a solid EGO, big and strong enough for him to depend on, to sacrifice and compromise for,to build up his life around.It is said that what you do makes who you are, and I think vice versa is also true.He gets to show the real self when he plays the role of himself on stage.And this reminds me of "lust, caution", where the female protagonist gets to show her EGO when pretending to be a spy.Most people complain about what they do are not what they love, and they remain mediocre.For some other lucky and talented people, they actually enjoy their job, and they are on their way to greatness and completeness.How about me?In a narrow sense, I\’m independent.. I make decisions according to my will, and against all odds, I carry them out on my own.But what is my will?How it is made?Is it strong and solid enough as to guide my way?I guess not.The real independence is not about how to keep yourself from depending on someone else,it is about how to depend on yourself, and to develop a strong solid and BIG EGO to depend on.And I have to build up a life based on this EGO, a life involving job and family.and the shape of this EGO is still unstable, let alone its size and weight.I need a BIG EGO.